You may already be a winner....

I received three pieces of mail in the last week making this proclamation...oh how I wish it were true. Yes the money generated would allow for more stuff. "Stuff" however is usually one of three things: necessary, disposable or sentimental and what I'm looking for transcends to the less tangible commodities of time and experience.

Without the need to generate income "work" could be set aside for a period and I could find other ways to occupy my time. Overall, I do love what I do and find genuine satisfaction in my work product, activities and with the people I work with. I say this despite the dismal and always damning budget forecasts that have disheartened and demoralized my work environment and the world in general. So what is it within me that has changed to make me want to quit "working" at this point?

Some might call it my world view, my priorities, my attitude...or whatever. It started with the cancer, how could it not have? Let's face it I had three months "off" but it wasn't like I was enjoying it...I still had a job to do and it was getting well. A job, that really doesn't end, but changes to more of an ongoing maintenance issue. Just because the cancer is gone doesn't mean the quality of life is what you had before. Fatigue and the side effects of meds, still in your system or that you take ongoing, are still a part of your daily reality and have a major impact on it.

Time really becomes the key and it is often the one thing that you are least capable of controlling. If you have the energy often you don't have the time; if you have the time you might lack the energy. It becomes that infinite circle of the snake eating its own tail. By not working you can reprioritizes both your time and energy; other than sleep (which we don't get enough of) work is the largest hog of our time and energy. One would hope if work is taken out of the equation maybe there would be a little more balance in that constant struggle.

What of the other stuff and no I don’t mean the cooking and the cleaning? Again with money these things can be minimized. I’m thinking more in terms of our relationships; specifically the time and energy to devote to our relationships with family and friends. In order for relationships to be successful you have to cultivate them both…with you guessed it time and energy.

Even under the best of circumstances life gets complicated: somebody gets sick, hits a rough patch or God willing finds a reason to celebrate. Within my little family of me, the Gracie Unit and by immediate extension my parents and my inner-circle, the coordination of efforts and schedules can be overwhelming at times. Add the considerations of distance and yes even weather and once again you are left a little bewildered.

At this point I’m left wanting; time and more importantly quality time is slipping away. Crap happens and I don’t want to look back and say should’a, would’a, could’a. I have interests and experiences that I want to explore, nurture and share through my relationships. I have always embraced the concept of quality vs. quantity but lately I can’t help but feel the quality is slipping away as well.  

So if Money = Time + Energy and if Time + Energy + Relationships = Happiness Squared at what point can we say Money = Happiness Squared?. I know I was horrible at Algebra but something tells me… mathematically it does not compute. That said, in the spirit of should’a, would’a and could’a I would like the opportunity to at least try. 

So Vanna can I buy a vowel please?